Chapter 1...

This is my book. It is called ‘Picnicking in Hyde Park’. This is a story about me. Not all of it has happened yet. It’s progressing though. Hope you enjoy it.

It’s an odd one really... Unlike most travel books, this is going to be a diary type thing. Yes that’s right. I don’t know whether this childish (yet slightly compelling) bet will ever be completed. I hope it is though. I’ve never written a book/diary before, and I think if this series of hopefully crazy, wild (checks thesaurus) and EXCITING events doesn’t compel me to do so, I don’t really know what will. Perhaps a mid-life crisis. No, that’ll never happen. I’ll be far too wealthy from you all buying my book. I think. Anyway, in this train journey to Derby/Loughborough to see my dear Bethan, I hope to explain what may or may not happen over the next months/years/decades of travelling and possible financial oblivion. The two go hand in hand I think. Now shall we?


12/10/07
I feel I should begin by proffering some form of apology. I didn’t start writing this diary/book as soon as I meant. So you have a lot of catching up to do. I apologise for this, But the thing is, there is stuff before the idea even crept into my head to do this... thing, that is possibly relevant. So allow me to fill you in. Think of it as a view into my life, rather than as homework, which you must catch up on. This stuff is quite essential to me making a fairly stupid thing sound almost sane and justified...
My name is Sam, I’m 19, and spent a merry childhood growing up in Snaith, East Yorkshire. Hi Mum.
I am a student at Leeds University, studying Music and Philosophy, with the hopes of becoming the first ever person to do something with the degree I’m studying. It might be a bit difficult, but hey, nobody has invented the metaphysical violin yet, or a piano that takes us to the ultimate truth through means of cockney two-step, so there is still hope.
It was on this course that I met Aliya, a fellow philosophy student, and we chatted. It was nice and comfy, and together with my wonderfully Muslim friend Maani, we created a sort of philosophical tour-de-force in the first year of Nikk Jones’ ‘Introduction to Ethics’ Classes, constantly filling the room with the sound of three fundamentally different people arguing three fundamentally different arguments, whilst lots of baffled elective students watched on, seemingly unaware of the situation they were witnessing. We were always, I like to think, the top of the class students who the lecturers went home and talked to their wives about as if we were the future of the Universities Philosophy department.
Anyway, come Christmas, and after a fall out with my tutor in Philosophy, I decided to move on to a different group. It was a tough decision, but had to be made. For one I couldn’t understand the poor guy. His name was Jonathon, he was very confusing, well meaning, but quite often wrong and almost always condescending. If you read this Jonathon (although I struggle to think why you would...) I apologise for this rather drab description of you, but its true.
It turned out someone had left a class (someone who later plays a vital role in this story... see what I did there? It all intertwines... how exciting!), and I could take their place. I bade my farewells, but still kept in touch with Maani and Aliya, meeting up for occasional cinema visits, and cricket practice with Maani.
It was in one of these meetings with Aliya that something was suggested.
“We have a spare room in our house next year Sam, come move in with us.”
At first I was slightly alarmed. After all, this was a girl, who was living with six other girls, asking me to move in with her. “What is the problem?!” I hear all you male readers asking. “You have the chance to live for a year with 6 girls?! And you haven’t yet said yes? What is wrong with you?!”
Well you see, present at this meeting with Aliya, was also Bethan, my girlfriend. Girls are generally incompatible with other girls. It’s like trying to run Windows and Mac OSX on the same computer, It won’t happen. So far from jump at the chance, I just sort of mumbled a response, bought another pint of coke, and changed the subject onto something more mundane, like my hatred of my current flatmates.
I didn’t hate all of them, just one. And everyone else in the block.
At the beginning of the student chapter of my life, I moved into Bodington Halls, just north of Weetwood, in Leeds, LS16. I hated it, every miserable minute I spent there was a minute of filth laden noise disturbed unadulterated terror. In my flat lived 4 people, myself included. These people consisted of Rich, Hamzah, myself, and Joe. Joe. Joe. Even as I write I have to repeat the name so I can hate it that little but more...
Rich and Hamzah I got on with fine. Me and Hamzah frequented the student bar drinking our pathetic girly VK drinks, occasionally watching football, and putting the world to rights. Me and rich shared a more passive, but nonetheless pleasant relationship brought about by a mutual obsession with Football manager, and dressing up to watch cricket at Headingley stadium.
Joe however was another breed to us all. Collectively me, rich and Hamzah came from what is commonly known as ‘the north’. Now I know as those words pass my aching fingers (I’m not used to typing for sustained periods of time, least of all than when I am concentrating on the new Radiohead album. It’s fantastic, get it.), I can feel a collective hatred, and half the population slamming their books shut in disgust. I can see you bursting into your local branch of waterstones, and complaining furiously over a starbucks/Costa coffee. I can feel your anger welling up, and pointing at me in some form of literary aggression. God, I hope my publisher doesn’t get angry... it might prove detrimental to the book. Yet still I feel horrible whining southern aggression spilling towards me, like a big pussy ball of hatred and vol-aux-vents. Well frankly I don’t care. My girlfriend is a southerner, and hell, I get on with her quite well. I love London. Oxford is a wonderful place. Brighton is possibly the most friendly city I’ve visited. But the problem lies, as ever, with the small minority of people who are called Joe, who live in Wembley. He was a new breed. Nobody else I knew could make such a significant amount of shit in such a small period of time. Once he came in, and within 10 minutes he had used 5 pans making a packet mix curry. How?! I’m not here saying I am a tidy chef, my friends and flatmates, and indeed most of Leeds, will say that I am quite the opposite. But I can do a real curry from scratch in 3 pans. It annoys me. And he never ever washed up. And he smelt. And he used to sit on the toilet singing (to the tune of the automatics ‘monster’) “What’s that coming out of my arse, is it a monster?” But none of this was what made me cringe. The final straw was the Stereo. He had a stereo that actually made my room shake. And I like my sleep. A lot. He used to come in at 4am, make a shit curry, and put his speakers on, despite the fact I had lectures and occasionally exams the next day.
Across the corridor lived Dave. He was the same. He used to come in screaming, slightly after Joe, and proceed to attempt to batter our door down. This annoyed me, I wanted out. I had a nervous breakdown in December, Bethan witnessed it. I nearly quit uni. I wanted out.
And now back into the Old Bar suddenly things hurtled into my favour. Bethan knew I wanted out. She let me move in with all these people. I cannot thank her enough for this, it got me away from Bodington, and gave me hope for the future.
This brings us up to July 2007. I move into my new house, in the Hyde Park area of Leeds, and proceed to be happy. Hyde park is lovely compared to Bodington. A slightly bohemian atmosphere created by the abundance of students is helped by an overwhelmingly tight knit community of primarily south asian origin. There is a takeaway on every corner, and a wonderful old picture house which still shows ‘The Rocky Horror Show’ and holds regular Monty Python nights, something which i can not recommend more highly.
I get on well with everybody, and bond particularly well with Rachel and Laura, two fellow Dave Gorman fans. We spend hours on a night watching various Dave Gorman DVDs etc. I even met the man in this period. I was a happy chappy. Also, Bethan got into Nottingham University (where I am headed now) which made me happier because Nottingham is closer to anywhere in the world than Hastings is.
So, one day, after lectures I am walking home from university with Laura. My walk back consists of a short stroll down Lifton place, and then walking across Hyde Park. Now, you people are not stupid, and probably know this book has something to do with Hyde Park. The title alone may have caused you to think this, or it may just be the fact that someone has told you. Or you may indeed be Laura, in which case the rest of this book will probably be of more interest than the first bit. You knew all that, didn’t you?
Anyway, whilst walking through Hyde Park, we soon get onto the subject of Hyde Park, London, and wonder if there are anymore, aside from Leeds and London. Laura knew of one in Manchester, and that was that.
At this point, any normal being would have stopped talking. For one, we were students; we should be going getting drunk etc, and not discussing how many Hyde parks there are in the world. However, we are not normal beings. The conversation moved on, not to vodka, but onto a small, yet exciting argument. Any sensible being would realise that Hyde Park probably isn’t that common a place name, and there certainly won’t be more than say, 10 in England. 10 is quite a small number, to say how big England seems to my addled student mind. Laura however thought there would be more. And then it happened.
I will visit every Hyde Park in the world. That’s what I said. It can’t be that hard. That’s why I’m writing this book, because I then went and checked Wikipedia, to see how many there were. I now quote the god of Wiki...
In England
Hyde Park, London
Hyde Park, Leeds, inner-city area of north-west Leeds
Hyde Park, South Yorkshire, district of Sheffield
Hyde Park, in Hyde, Greater Manchester
Not so bad then. I could do that in a day, I live in one, and I’ve already been to one, which just leaves Sheffield and Manchester. Easy. No Problem. Then I scrolled down...
[edit] In the United States
Hyde Park, Los Angeles, California
Hyde Park, Tampa, Florida
Hyde Park, Boise, Idaho
Hyde Park, Chicago, Illinois
Hyde Park, Massachusetts, part of the city of Boston
Hyde Park, Kansas City, Missouri
Hyde Park, New York, town in Dutchess County, New York
Hyde Park, Ohio, neighborhood of Cincinnati
Hyde Park, Pennsylvania, borough in Westmoreland County
Hyde Park, Berks County, Pennsylvania
Hyde Park, Memphis, Tennessee
Hyde Park, Austin, Texas
Hyde Park, Utah
Hyde Park (town), Vermont
Hyde Park (village), Vermont
Hyde Park Township, Cook County, Illinois, annexed by Chicago in 1889
Hyde Park Township, Minnesota
New Hyde Park, New York
North Hyde Park, Tampa, Florida
Woodbourne-Hyde Park, Ohio
[edit] In Australia
Hyde Park, Sydney, park in New South Wales
Hyde Park (Western Australia), park in Perth
Hyde Park, South Australia, suburb of Adelaide
[edit] Elsewhere
Hyde Park, Gauteng, South Africa
Hajd park, Belgrade, Serbia
[edit] Grounds
Dr. Hyde Park a Gaelic Games ground in Roscommon, Ireland
Shit. Shitshitshit.
Serbia? South Africa? This was going to take much longer than I thought. Still, a promise is a promise, and a bet is a bet, my masculine idiocy is at stake, and damn it I will succeed!
Anyway, the rest of this book hopefully will be about me keeping my promise. Me doing it. Me going and having a picnic in each and every Hyde park in the world. Hope you like it, and hope I don’t ruin my life.


15/10/2007
So here it is, here is my plan...
I think I could do all the English Hyde Parks by the end of the month, times and finances allowing. Then I think that would show I was pretty serious, going all the way to London just to eat a picnic in a park I have already visited. America can wait til summer. I’ve already planned to visit florida in June, so that means I can definetly visit the two in Tampa Bay.
The rest will have to wait for a gap year. I can’t just go to Austrailia, visit three parks, then come home. Aus commands a week at least, any less would be insane, and as I have already explained, despite the fact I am doing something stupid and childish, I am not insane. I don’t think. Lets not dwell on that, lets instead consider some rules.
Rules are horrible things, but occasionally useful. Here are a few rules I have to adhere to in order to make this task more fun. I think.
1: I must not lie about having visited certain parks.
This makes sense, obviously the task would be quite simple if I could lie. It’d be over now in fact, and there wouldn’t be much of a book for you to read. So be happy this rule exists.
2: In order for the task to be completed properly, a picnic must be eaten in each park.
This is so I don’t just drive through somewhere and claim I’ve visited it; that would make for a dull book too.
As for what constitutes a picnic, it is quite simple. It consists of at least one sandwich, a cocktail sausage, a sausage roll, and some form of pastry dessert/yogurt. It must be eaten on something resembling a blanket, and must be eaten with at least two other willing participants. Otherwise it is just a lonely student eating off a rug, which is something I can do at home quite easily.

3: No imposing facist regimes.
This is an old house rule, from my house in Hyde Park. I think it speaks for itself, nobody likes a Facist regime, least of all the Americans (well, a few don’t seem to mind too much, bushcough.)
So there you have it. Three rules. I’ll try not to break them, as I will then fail. I can’t remember what the value of this bet was, but I’m now so determined failure would odds on cost me my soul. Well, probably not, but its rare I get so driven on something. This weekend I was supposed to be writing a composition, instead I sat on Wikipedia (that wonderous source of all knowledge) And looked them all up. Every single one. How sad am I? Not as sad as you reading this book... well, no actually I am probably worse. But still. It will work.
Speak next time, with Picnicing around England...
16/10/07 – UPDATE
Yesterday seems like quite a long time ago, but apparently it was only yesterday. Anyway, since yesterday, whenever that was, I have discovered two new things.
NEW THING NUMBER 1
I found some more Hyde Parks. They are in England (thank god). They are as follows (lifted from Google maps... thank you very much google, you are nice.)
Hyde Park, Doncaster
Hyde Park, Doncaster
Hyde Park, North Tyneside
Hyde Park, North Tyneside NE28
Hyde Park, Wakefield
Hyde Park, Wakefield WF1
Hyde Park, Halifax
Hyde Park, Halifax, Calderdale HX1
Hyde Park, Bridgwater
Hyde Park, North Petherton, Bridgwater, Somerset TA6
Hyde Park, Rhyl
Hyde Park, Kinmel Bay, Rhyl, Conwy LL18
Hyde Park, Ballymena
Hyde Park, Ballymena BT43
Hyde Park, Newtownabbey
Hyde Park, Newtownabbey
These are added to my list of things to do. I’m gonna go away for a week with a tent around December time, and do all the English ones, then book a flight to Ireland to do the Rhyl and Ballymena ones. Hopefully there will be nice people there, it’ll be hard dragging people there just for a picnic.
SECOND NEW THING
People seem to think I need/want a deadline. This isn’t very good, because it means its getting serious. Rach at first suggested graduation day. This is a ridiculous idea, and she has been duly punished for suggesting it. It is far too soon, because it essentially gives me one summer to visit every hyde park in the world. She is thinking of another now. Its 7th August, 2010. Thats sooner than the Olympics in London, but people are excited about that already. Its a year after I graduate, on my 23rd birthday. This is quite a long way away, but also quite soon.
THIRD NEW THING (WHICH WASN’T PREVIOUSLY MENTIONED)
Rob is tall. And now officially my manager, along with Rach. This is worrying also, because they are actually seriously talking about giving me a contract. These are actually my student flatmates, discussing the business potential of this book. This is scary. Rob also wants to start a music school with me, but this can wait, more important things need to be completed. I have told Rob that we can form our business partnership for the music school once my task is complete. He also insists that I ‘plug’ his managing business, which Rach has snappily named R&R.
He is smiling, and says hi to everyone he knows. He probably won’t be mentioned again.
Right. I’m off to go look up some flights to Ireland...

16/10/07
One more quick update. Found another four today, dotted around here and there...
First is in South America. Guyana, near Venuzuala. Oh what fun
Second is not too far from Guyana... Grenada, off the coast of Mexico. At least this bet is throwing up some nice tropical paradises for me!
Third on the list is in New Zealand, near Christchurch, which is fun.
Finally we have Hyde Park in Montreal, Canada, which will greatly please Rach, she is moving there next year, and I said I wouldn’t visit unless there was one in Canada somewhere.
I feel it sensible to stop looking for Hyde Parks. However, I have started up a Facebook group so people can find them for me. Hopefully it’ll get me some publicity too. Which will be fun. At the moment I have 40 parks. That seems enough. They cover the whole globe, the only place I seem to be missing is the Middle east, and China/Russia. No doubt one shall be found. At least I don’t have to go to (as my tutor, Mic, said) Iran.
Finally, two more. Penrith in Cumbria, and Puerto Rico.
My facebook minions are searching on...

18/10/07
And an update on my online stuff...
Firstly, there is someone else in the world called Sam Ryder. You are stunned I know, but there really is, trust me. I’m having a picnic with him in London. It’ll be fun, and its in a week or two. I sent him a message asking if he fancied meeting up, and explaining my task. I was slightly worried that he might find me odd, or be offended in some way. Then I remembered that this is a person who randomly added me on facebook despite the fact that he had a wife. And was much older than me, to the tune of ten years. He is clearly a bit wild.
On the subject of Facebook, the group is going quite well. I have 26 minions at the moment, after only 24 hours of the groups existence, which can only be a good thing. I also have people chatting on the wall, and people sending good luck messages. Others have suggested selling crack to fund my trip. Another person suggested murder. Actually it was the same person. He suggested I kill Joe, which I would be more than happy to do, but being arrested would probably slow the progress of my travelling. I posted an update today, this is what it said...
UPDATE: 18/10/07Woo 20 members, much more success than my ill fated 'Descartes wears a wig group'Well here goes... I'm going to london one weekend soon, to have a picnic with a guy I've never met before. He's called sam, and is older than me. should be fun.I am also going to Wakefield, Doncaster, Sheffield, Manchester and Halifax over the next month or so, so if anybody would care to join me, feel free! I need at least 2 willing participants for each picnic, it would be easier if i knew at least one of them so that I don't have to find two complete randomers. right then... I look forward to hearing from people! and keep searching for those hyde parks... I'm gonna post a list on here soon of all the ones I already have.Once we get to circa 50-members I am gonna hold a giant picnic in Woodhouse Moor park, in the Hyde park area of leeds, which is another off the list!Adios my park friendly amigos.
Having members is cool. I am looking very forward to going to London, it’ll finally feel like I’m doing something as opposed to just talking about it.
Anyway, enough of this talking, I have work to do. Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.


Thats chapter 1 guys, let me know what you think of it.
Sam x